Official Jesse Barrera

Wednesday, September 1st 2010 at 10:58am

it's not a dream anymore: 5.

A time where I thought about ending my life. There have been a few of those. I will just say the more recent one because I remember it more better since it’s fresher.

The last time I thought about ending my life was in July. My life was one big mess of heartache and stress. My parents were fighting all the time and it was growing old. My mom was packing and angry all the time. My dad not understanding anything. My boyfriend at the time pretty much wasn’t in the picture, then we broke up. And that’s just something else all on it’s own let me tell you. I really loved that guy though. Then my friends were stressing me out. Not all of them, just a few. Then there was all this pressure from not knowing what I wanted to do with my life and feeling like I had to grow up fast and seeing everyone go in their own directions and like I couldn’t keep up.

I was stressed out all the time, crying all the time, feeling nervous and sick to my stomach all the time, and heartbroken all the time. Questioning myself, and my life. Why graduation had happened and why my life was turning out this way so quickly and so fast. Why certain things were happening, and what for, and why to me.

I wanted to make all the hurt go away, ‘cause it never seemed to stop.

There were only TWO things that made me NOT to do.

The first thing that made me not do it is Skyler. Always. Like, I could never hurt anyone, but especially my brother. And I’d hate to be the one to make him depressed or upset, or to make him cry. I think of his life, the things I want to see him do and how I want to be there. I can always find a little strength when I think of my brother. Which is one of the reasons why he is so important to me.

The second thing that made me not do it was when I went to see Jesse Barrera on July 24th. After The Morning Of… I left from where the stage was with these two girls I met their named Kimmy and Alyssa. While I was with them I saw Jesse by the merch so I went over to talk to him. I told him how his music helped me through some hard times in my life and I told him how I was really happy when the cd came to my house because of the day I was having. He hugged me and told me to “keep my head up.” I really needed that.

After that I thought of everyone I knew who cared about me and everyone I loved, and I couldn’t.

Music saves lives.